Serious replies ONLY

chillindr · #1 03-20-2007, 08:53 PM

Okay, I need SERIOUS replies only. None of the bs and making fun stuff.

My husband and I took our daughter to Punta Cana for her 21st birthday. We stayed at an all inclusive resort. While there she met a guy. He did not approach her, however, he did look at her several times. He is a dancer that performs at several different resorts. She was with me when she met him the first night we were there and he visited with her and me that night before he had to leave with the rest of those he dances with. She gave him her phone number and he called her the next day and asked her as well as her dad and I to come see him dance the following night. He said he would come pick us up and take us there...he did that and we went to see him dance. He met my husband that night. He got us a cab back to our hotel and was going to pay for it but my husband insisted that we pay.

I also have to say that he knew she was dating someone and while talking she mentioned that her boyfriend was from the Dominican Republic and a minor league baseball player. She told him all about how her boyfriend had wanted her to buy him a cell phone when he went back home and that she had told him that she wouldn't and that she would NEVER support a man or give him money. He had no reason to feel that he would get anything from her in return other then friendship.

The next two days he came to our hotel and spent the day with our daughter and us. Since we have gotten back home he has called her several times a week. He has never once asked for anything at all. He bought our daughter a couple little things and when she would mention something like: she didn't like the yellow gold earrings and that she liked white gold he changed his earrings before he saw her the next day or she wanted some gum and she didn't have any he brought her some the next time he saw her...things like that.

He has told her about his life and all about what he has done. He has told her that he would like to take her to Santo Domingo to show her where he grew up. He introduced her to everyone in the dance group and when he calls he will have her talk to one of them or a couple of them so she can get to know his friends.

He has not once asked for money and has paid his way all the time. He mentioned he was not able to work for 4 days as he was sick but never said he needed money.

Now we have decided to go back for a return visit and stay at the same place. My daughter has told this guy she is coming back and he has asked if they can hang out again. He knows that I don't let her out of my sight. I go where she goes...she is cautious that way. He has asked if we would like to go to Santo Domingo to see where he grew up. He wants to take her to the disco. After reading all of the past posts I am now scared to have her see him again while we are there.

Also she has just broken up with her boyfriend and this guy knows this. They have become friends talking to each other. She knows about alot about him but she has been very cautious about what she has told him...that is the way she is.

So do I worry about her seeing him again? I really don't want to let her go to the disco with him alone but I am not going there. If he is a sankie is he dangerous? I don't think she is interested in him as anything more then a friend as she is talking to another guy right now (minor league ball player again only this one is different from the last one.) I just want to make sure she is safe while we are there and does not get into something that could be dangerous.

2LeftFeet · #2 03-20-2007, 09:25 PM

Hmm--How old is he? How well does he speak English? How well does your daughter speak Spanish? Is your daughter street saavy--ie are you from NYC or are you from Idaho? What's the time span between visits? Weeks, months, a year?

Just curious---where is she finding all these baseball players? I wouldn't know where to find a dominican baseball player if I wanted to!! LOL!

AnnaC · #3 03-20-2007, 09:28 PM

10 million people living in the DR how the heck are we to know from your words if he is dangerous?

Give your head a shake, what would you do if this was a guy back home?

Read all the threads and articles and decide for yourself if he is dangerous

Article.... sankies and how they work in the Dominican Republic

Sankies for dummies

Good Dominican man vs a sankie

Oh and welcome to DR1

chillindr · #4 03-20-2007, 09:45 PM

2leftfeet:

He is 24 and he understands English fairly well and speaks some. My daughter is pretty much fluent in Spanish. He tries to talk to me in English and since they met he has become more fluent as he asks how to say things in English and he has a friend that speaks English and seems to be learning more from him...He is somewhat fluent in Italian and French. We are not from NYC but she has been in NYC several times and knows her way around. We were there in Feb and will be going back in June so there will be 4 mos between visits.

My daughter loves baseball and has gone to a lot of baseball games. We go to spring training every year and also to a lot of Yankees games. And she does not find the baseball players they find her.

Anna:

The reason I am writing this is because I HAVE read all the posts on here from way back. I had never heard the word sankie until we were in Punta Cana and one of my daughter's friends from Santo Domingo came to our resort to help celebrate her birthday. He was saying that his friends called him a sanky and we were like what is that...he told us to look it up on the internet and that is when I found this site.

I know you can not answer if HE is dangerous but I guess I was saying are sankies in general dangerous other then trying to get money from the girl or visas? I mean I know she will not give him money or run off and marry him. But I just read the post about someone wanting to sanky watch and became concerned about what was being said about them being dangerous...

If this guy was here I would invite him into my home. He seems very sincere and had absolutely no problem with me being with my daughter and when he invited my daughter to watch him at another resort he not only invited her but my husband and myself...but since he is not from here and I am not familiar with all that goes on there, and there is so much negative talk about Dominican men on here I became concerned...so maybe looking more for advice on what else to look for cause so far there has not been one sign that he is anything other then a guy that found my daughter interesting and wants to get to know her.

jruane44 · #5 03-20-2007, 09:47 PM

Why would you ever trust your daughter with some uneducated clown from a barrio in Santo Domingo. Deep down you don't trust him. If you did you would not be asking here. Do you have any idea how long of a trip to Santo Domingo from Punta Cana? What do you think this sanky wants from your daughter. If your daughter were to hook up with him where would they live? What kind of job could this uneducated fellow get in the states. I bet he would make some lovely grand children. Thats about it.

chillindr · #6 03-20-2007, 09:57 PM

I said I dont let her out of my sight and she does not want to go alone with him anywhere. And IF we went to Santo Domingo it would not be with him but with her friend from Santo Domingo...then she would meet him there and not only would I be with her but also her friend from Santo Domingo who has a car and lives there. And I do know how far it is from Punta Cana to Santo Domingo. And like I said she is NOT interested in him as a boyfriend...she enjoys talking to him. He has told her alot about the country which she has an interest in as well as how people live there. She loves to learn about other countries, loves to travel and has an interest in other cultures.

But reading the post about sanky watcher about them getting dangerous worried me some. Prior to that I didn't have a problem with her talking to him or having him come see her again but neither she nor I want to get into something that could be dangerous...he has showed NO signs of any kind of what has been posted about Sankies so he has given neither of us reason to believe he is one. In fact her friend who is college educated acts more like one then this guy.

jruane44 · #7 03-20-2007, 10:08 PM

Introduce her to this site. She will learn alot about the country here. She will also learn alot about how sankies operate. Your daughter may say that she does not want him as a boyfriend but I can say with certainty that barrio boy definitely wants her for a girlfriend. No 24 year old man wants a woman for a friend. They want her as a lover.

chillindr · #8 03-20-2007, 10:14 PM

Well so far there have not been any advances made or suggestions. He has been a perfect gentleman. In fact he is much more polite then any American guy she has known. She has read the posts on here. She has talked to a couple people she knows there...In fact her friend there that she has know for over a year is also 24 and he came to see her and they are just friends...nothing more.

Thanks for the input. She has read all that you have posted. She has been very cautious as she is with all guys.

Chip00 · #9 03-20-2007, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chillindr

I said I dont let her out of my sight and she does not want to go alone with him anywhere. And IF we went to Santo Domingo it would not be with him but with her friend from Santo Domingo...then she would meet him there and not only would I be with her but also her friend from Santo Domingo who has a car and lives there. And I do know how far it is from Punta Cana to Santo Domingo. And like I said she is NOT interested in him as a boyfriend...she enjoys talking to him. He has told her alot about the country which she has an interest in as well as how people live there. She loves to learn about other countries, loves to travel and has an interest in other cultures.

But reading the post about sanky watcher about them getting dangerous worried me some. Prior to that I didn't have a problem with her talking to him or having him come see her again but neither she nor I want to get into something that could be dangerous...he has showed NO signs of any kind of what has been posted about Sankies so he has given neither of us reason to believe he is one. In fact her friend who is college educated acts more like one then this guy.

As a father of two girls I personally would be wary of letting your daughter go out with this fellow alone. I happen to be an American and am married to a Dominican women that I met here in Santiago 7 years ago - so there are serious Dominicans to be found.

The problem is that there are some very strong beliefs and prejudices that most of the lower educated and lower income Dominicans have about foreigners in general. There are fed stuff about "NY" from an early age and are led to believe that it is heaven on earth. In fact I don't hesitate to say if you did a survey with Dominicans about what would they want to have most in this world 9 out of 10 would say "go to NY". This attitude is pretty much the case anywhere on this island and unfortunately is 100 times worse in the tourist areas. I honestly doubt that in a hundred people you would find 10 that wouldn't have these beliefs and they would probably be very devout catholics/christians more than likely.

Also, Dominicans on the whole are very polite compared to Americans - it is valued here and one of the things that I enjoy - BUT you shouldn't take this to mean that this guy is serious.

As far as the guy being generous, one shouldn't read too much into that either because guys are supposed to pay here for everything even if they are dirt poor.

The things that bother me the most is that this guy is from the coast and a dancer. He has been raised all of his life to desire to go to NY and not only that this kid is Dominican and if you don't know already young Dominican boys are just as michevious if not worse that their American counterparts. I won't hesitate to say that if this guy isn't a devout person that if he is decent looking he has certainly been out with his "share" of chicas. Furthermore, this will not change with time, nor marriage nor the love of a good women no matter how attractive she is. Dominican men will tell you and have told me that the goal is to bed as many women as possible. How much more of a trophy would an American girl be? For them it just doesn't get any better I can assure you. Also, Dominican girls/women are a lot more promiscuous than there American counterparts so bottom line when this guy has had his fun with your baby and things get "difficult" don't expect him not to start looking for an "easier" time. Check in the yellow pages and look for "Cabanas Turisticas" - these are the places Domicans go to on the weekend for a quickie with whoever - there are a lot of them.

If your daughter insists (as she more than likely will) on pursuing a "friendship" with this guy, make sure you are part of it 24/7. At some point if the guy is not serious and is expending a lot of time and money and not getting anywhere he will tire of your daughter and move on. If he is serious (which I doubt) they may have a friendship and if your daughter's Spanish is really that good it won't be long before she starts to understand how many of the people think here with regard to gringos and NY.

If your daughter is really interested in learning about this culture more you might have her consider attending one of the universites either in Santiago or Santo Domingo for a semester. There she will have to meet more of the "real" Dominicans who are not so caught up in the peculiar dynamic that is so prevalent in the tourist areas. There is a link here in DR1 that has info - and I understand it is quite economical.

AnnaC · #10 03-20-2007, 10:59 PM

What we were discussing in another thread was a specific topic and that was, what would happen if someone would spy on a sankie and report back to the girlfriend.

So first of all we don't know if this guy in your story is a sankie and we cannot tell you who is dangerous by your words alone. That would be a crazy answer to give on the internet without knowing the person. And why have you labeled him a sankie?

wait, he said his friends call him a sanky?

Ok I'm out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!