I feel sad

dr_qt · #1 06-07-2007, 10:06 PM

So I have been lurking here for a few months, but afraid to post. I met a nice man while on vacation in the DR and kept in touch with him. A few months ago I went to visit him. We had a great time I thought, but he has asked me for money a few times and after reading this forum, I no longer feel bad for him, just sad that someone would try to use another person and be dishonest. I indeed did see how he lives and its not a life I would be able to handle (no hot water, small homes, not enough food sometimes), but.... no matter what I believe a decent man would not ask a woman for money. I am young, attractive and of Mexican decent, but I think he may have liked me, but also liked the money he thought he may get more. I have not yet told him how I feel, or about this site, but I think it may be time to call it quits. I don't wnt to hear any cruel remarks from some of the rude people here, I just needed to vent.

Chichiguita · #2 06-07-2007, 10:14 PM

I'm sorry you are sad. I haven't been in your shoes, but I can only say from what I have read about sankies on this site I would RUN like the wind baby! You seem smart, you are seeing red flags. Your intuition is already speaking volumes. Trust it and walk--run...if you are still unsure, read all the stuff on this site. You can do better. Shake it off. When we know better we do better. Poverty does ugly things to people. Its no excuse--but it is a reason. Keep your chin up. Blessings. lk

dr_qt · #3 06-07-2007, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chichiguita

I'm sorry you are sad. I haven't been in your shoes, but I can only say from what I have read about sankies on this site I would RUN like the wind baby! You seem smart, you are seeing red flags. Your intuition is already speaking volumes. Trust it and walk--run...if you are still unsure, read all the stuff on this site. You can do better. Shake it off. When we know better we do better. Poverty does ugly things to people. Its no excuse--but it is a reason. Keep your chin up. Blessings. lk

Thank you Chichiguita, for your helpful words. I agree with you about running. It feels odd when you think you have begun to build something with another person and then come to realize they are trying to use you. Well I see this as his loss and a lesson for me.

Chichiguita · #4 06-07-2007, 10:26 PM

Just because he tried to use you doesn't mean there isn't PLENTY of good in you. You are going to be fine. Sorry that happened, but don't for a minute think that it detracts from who you are, or your value. I applaud you for having the guts to see it and walk rather than live in denial! Keep looking up.

dr_qt · #5 06-07-2007, 10:29 PM

One of the best gifts I gave him was a little bible and hopefully it will do some good for him!!

2LeftFeet · #6 06-07-2007, 10:36 PM

Hi DR QT Welcome. I hope that people do behave themselves especially since you asked them to!!

What I have discovered is that some people in the DR have no qualms about asking a foreigner for money. They automatically assume that since you're not Dominican you have bucks. In comparison you do.

I find it very rude. I had a friend do it to me. The first time I went beserk the second time I told her it was very rude in my culture to ask people for money. She said she wouldn't ask me again. I will not give/loan her money. My sister has been asked, my co-worker who is Dominican has been asked by her friend, who's family is wealthy to buy her a computer and bring it to the DR. People have banged on my friend's front door in SD and asked for money. It's mind boggling.

My point is just because he asked for money doesn't necessarily make him a sankie. It definitely makes him rude/greedy. There has to be other behavior to accommodate the money asking to make him a sankie.

And you are right--- men should not be asking a woman for money.

dr_qt · #7 06-07-2007, 10:44 PM

to 2left feet
Aside from asking for money he has been great, but I have never had a boyfriend ask me for money and I would never ask either. He has given me gifts (flowers, pictures), but after reading here I wonder where he gets the money? I would never judge someone by thier income, but neverthe less I expect respect and feel that asking for money is disrespectful, especially for men.

2LeftFeet · #8 06-07-2007, 10:53 PM

It is disrespectful--- He is no gentleman that's for sure. You should be treated like a lady. A man that asks a woman for money is no good. You deserve better. A man should be able to provide for himself. He should have pride. The same goes for a woman but we're talking about men here.

If you have another conversation with him and he brings up "borrowing" money you should tell him that he's rude!

Chichiguita · #9 06-07-2007, 10:56 PM

It sets the relationship off on the wrong tone, I think. I see nothing wrong with a woman paying for a date sometimes--but to be giving a "love interest" cash puts you in a position of power that I don't think is healthy in a love relationship. I would feel the same about a woman asking for money from a man she is dating.

I hear what you are saying, 2leftfeet, I guess all these sanky threads have me looking at people with more suspicion. Sad.

I have not had "love interests" in the DR, but I have had a person or two ask me for help (clothes for kids, school supplies, help to pay for an operation--the operation really happened she had the stitches to show for it).

I have seen so many of my Dominican friends give to others that I accepted that in the DR friends just share in that way. I kind of respect it, actually--even if it is a little uncomfortable. I have had to learn how to say "no" sometimes.

Sanky or no sanky, I still caution anyone whose date or love interest is asking for cash. Whether he is using her or not--I think it sets the relationship on an uneven keel from the start.

2LeftFeet · #10 06-07-2007, 11:06 PM

Chichi I agree with you. Nobody should ask you for cash especially a BF. It's wrong.

My understanding of a sankie is there has to be a course of action. The only thing dr qt said was that he asked her for $$$. She wasn't explicit. That's her decision and I don't blame her. It can get a little rough and tumble around her at times.

Since that was the only thing that was said it can't be said if he is or he isn't.

He could really like her but just be greedy or he could be a sankie.

There isn't enough information provided to make that determination.