my one and only Sankie!
This will be a long post, my apologies in advance.
I’m writing in hope that at least one more person will keep her guard up…
First I would like to thank AnnaC for pointing me to this website…I’m not sure she knew my ex-boyfriend/partner was a Sankie but this site has helped me keep my eyes open even if at the end of the day I was taken for a pretty amazing ride! I did not discover this website until 6 months in the relationship but it did help make sure my antenna were up and running. AnnaC we met at one of your friends house when her boyfriend got to Canada.
AnnaC, I trust you will share this with your friends so they are protected from him.
I know nothing about DR and do not plan on knowing about it...what I already know is too much for me!
Here is my story: I met my Sankie in 2004 during a trip with a girlfriend and her 5-year son. And yes he was a resort worker and married to a Canadian. I left and forgot about him. I made the mistake of leaving him one of my email address and he did follow up…In any event, nothing happened following that trip and I did not encourage him, he went away…Two years later, he appears again. Despite the age difference (11.5 years) I accepted to see him… His timing was perfect. I had just ended a relationship; I was kind of wondering what was next… I now know it was a mistake…
We were together for over 1.5 years. He moved in after a few months… For the first 6 months he was working…Then he asked if he could quit his job to try finding a better one…I said yes expecting him to find something quickly. I was soooooooo wrong; when I threw him out of the house a few days ago, he was still unemployed… It took me a long time to accept that this relationship was not going to go anywhere…He is a master of manipulation…even when his lies are exposed, he still denies them…he still tries to make you think he is a victim…
In my mind I had decided that I was going to put all the necessary efforts to make this relationship work. I had a few relationships behind me and I had realized that my focus had been too much on my career…so I choose to ignore the signs…It took me 6 months to accept that this relationship had to stop. A few weeks before telling him my decision, I had place a trace in my computer to understand what he was doing…I thought maybe I was wrong and he was really committed to our relationship…At the end I asked him to leave without looking…When trust is gone, what is the point? So to ease my conscience, I offer to pay for 1st and last month rent and gave him 3 weeks to find a place. Then I went on the computer to check what he had been up to…AND what I found was an eye opener…not only did I find out he was involved with 3 or 4 women…I also found out he had been involved with one from before he even moved in with me… Our whole time together had been a lie, nothing had been real… needless to say that from then on, my reaction was to ask him to leave before the end of the day and to forget any financial help from me…as far as I’m concerned he can freeze to death…
None of the women know that:
1. he was involved with me, living with me, having sex with me on a very regular basis.
2. There are other women that are his one and only love…
3. he is not working, and has not been working for over 1 year. All of them either believe he is a student or working.
4. I paid for his driving lessons and that the car he was using is mine
5. all the clothes on his back were paid by me.
6. he has only seen his son 3 or 4 times for about 2 hours/visit over the last 1.5 years…I know because I can see how often he would tell me he was visiting his son he was actually in another city having sex with one of his lovers…the miracle of computers, there is nothing hidden anymore!
7. he has not paid more than $400 in child support over that period of time, if that much. But I could be wrong.
8. of the 5 trips he did in 2007, I paid 4 of them. Two were fun trips that I wanted to do with him. One was a trip to see his dying father by himself and the last one was for his father’s funeral (i went with him)…
He is very good because I’m home almost every night and weekend. He had to be creative to get away with it...Although he made the most of every work related outings which kept me out of the house…If you knew the whole story you too would not believe how creative he was…His latest to one of his lover was that he was going to have the first week off of March from work… Afterall he is working all the time, he is exploited! that is the week I’m going away on vacation by myself…there was no way I was taking him with me. The poor baby…
In retrospective, I’m very proud of the facts that
1. Never helped him with his son’s payments
2. Never sent money to DR for his family except at Xmas and when his father died. And always money that I did not need.
3. I have no regret about the time we were together, it was a real learning experience. I gave generously knowing full well that things could very well not work but hoping for the best.
4. I had him sign a contract protecting me financially. He can’t do anything to hurt me more than he already did.
5. I put a trace on a computer and read everything so now there is nothing he could do or say that would make me change my mind about him.
6. I had the good sense of not becoming pregnant!
7. he has not destroyed me or my self esteem.
8. I know he is not a man, just a boy who may never grow up.
I know everything you will tell me. There is nothing you could tell me that I did not already told myself or would not tell a girlfriend in my situation… Believe me I’m a very bright person, beautiful, strong, intelligent woman who fells for a master con artist… I have a lot to offer…He has some members of this board fooled as well…several of you know him…I take a lot of comfort in knowing that his good looks will fade and he will be left with nothing…
I’m not angry with any of the women. It is not their fault he is encouraging them… making sure to send an email or call every so often. In fact, I’m not even sure I’m upset with him…I know I’m disgusted and I feel dirty…I pray God that he has not left me any souvenirs…I will see a doctor in a month to get tested…
One last note, he does not believe he is a Sankie. To him a sankie is only if you sleep with an old, ugly or fat lady…because all the women he sleep with are gorgeous, he does not think this applies…he is so wrong…He is a master Sankie!
Thank you for this board. Without it, I would never have be aware of the dangers and this might have been very costly to me…This board has protected me from him. I’m thankful.
And now, he is courting one woman since about the time we started dating each other…I believe she is about my age, has 3 children, lives in another province. From what I see she is completely clueless about me or any of the other girlfriends…I feel sorry for her… The other ones are also fooled by him but he seems to be milking her a lot more than them. I was going to ask you if I should write her...I've decided to write her my story because I would like to be warned about him. Maybe she wants it too. Who knows...I've seen some pretty desperate women...
And to all the women currently sponsoring someone: Be very careful, you are no match to the DR men…it is just a game for them. And all their dominican friends are in on this...they will cover each other.
Voila, I'm now free of him. If you have recognized him, please be careful. He will try to get you to believe he is a victim...
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Thank you for posting your story. I hope it will help others.
Any bashing of this poster will quickly be removed!!!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!! You have got to be in of the more brighter people that I have read regarding this kind of issue. I wish you luck and long life. Take care. As they say back home a long time ago....YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!
There once was a thread disputing if being a sanky was such a bad thing.
Believe it or not, some felt that it was justifiable or not so bad.
I bet you would have a few words of wisdom for them.
In this country, there is a provision in criminal law for a more severe accusation than simple theft, when it is committed by someone in a position of trust and confidence.
It's called, "abuso de confianza".
It is recognized for what it is, a greater crime than simple theft by a stranger, and it carries a much greater maximum sentence.
Sankies use positions of trust and confidence to scam their victims, and they should be recognized for what they are, serious criminals and a lower form of life, than other 2 legged creatures on this planet.
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A courageous post indeed.
I would like to commend you on how you handled this situation.I know of whom you speak,and I also knew it was just a matter of time before you found out about him.I do know that even if I had said something to you about him I knew you didn't know me and so why should you believe me.Sometimes lifes lessons are hard to take, but my hat is off to you in this situation.I truley hope as you do that these other girls know something of DR1 and get to read this.As a previous poster said "YOU GO GIRL"
I have sent you a PM.... and wish you all the best. Better to find out now, then when it is too late. Trust me, it could have been alot worse, and I have heard many a horror story....you should consider yourself a lucky one.
I hope that you find true happiness. Unfortunately the other women in his life, will not understand this, and will choose to ignore it. It is too bad, but trust me they will learn and unfortunately it will be the hard way. Just count your blessings that you got out. It is done and over with, you can move on to better and bright things.
Not all Dominicanos are sankies, and sankies are not just located in the DR...they are found all over the world. Unfortunately it gives Dominicanos a bad name. It is too bad that sankies exisit but they will never go away. So you just need to protect yourself from them, and know the signs. This site helps, as well as sharing your story, not just on here, but with others travelling to other countries so they are aware too.
Thank you for this detailed post. I hope that those women who are in "relationships" with such scammers read it so that they can see similar traits in "their" guy. I noticed two common trends between their stories: "sankie is the victim" in ANY situation and the woman is "their one and ONLY one LOVE." So, the lesson is - if you meet a "victim" type of a guy who had fallen in love with you - RUN, RUN and RUN as fast as you possibly can.
I hope more women post about their experiences on this site. I wish you all the best of luck in everything.
bijoux, sorry 2 hear of your situation but glad you were smart enough to get out. i do know who u r speaking of. trust me when i say i have never been involved w/him i am more of his mother figure. at any rate all u say is true except it is not a game w/them it is a BUSINESS-a BIG BUSINESS!. this i have learned from all my many trips to POP. i wish u well an i know u will be just fine. as we say "you go girl" and good luck. mommi j
I also commend you for having the courage to share your story and wish you all the best of luck in the future.