What is deemed as flirting?

[Chip]

As a married guy living here in the DR and speaking relatively fluent Spanish, I just want to make sure I understand what is and is not flirting, so as to not get or give the wrong idea.

I first understand and have seen that Dominicans, at least here in Santiago are much more open and friendly, guys and girls included and also understand just because a lady says "mi vida" or "mi amor" to me she isn't trying to flirt with me. Also, it is ok to smile profusely and nobody thinks anything of it.

Ok my first question, if i tell a lady here name is pretty will she take that the wrong way? I'm certain I have seen other people doing this and honestly, I like being a friendly guy and can't deny that I maybe like being friendly to really attractive girls more than I should but it ends there. I also understand that I shouldn't say mami to an unknown girl and if she calls me papa I better run for the hills, right?

Anyway, I don't know if anybody has any advice as to what I should not say so as to not be seen as a freco or un tiguere.

thanks

[J D Sauser]

I may not be an authority on this.
But I think that it depends a lot of times about who does it, do whom and who may be left to be the judge of it being just polite and nice or a tactical approach.

If you are saying "... ai pero que lindo nombre que tu tiene!" You may indeed come thru as somebody trying to start a conversation. Nothing bad or low about it... besides being a somewhat of old fashioned line. Now, IF your Dominican girl friend or wife overhears your comment, you'll be turned into toast! And most likely on the spot! Actually, your wife or GF will feel quite free to accuse YOU of being a fresco or desgraciao because the girl at the cash registers addressed YOU as mi amor!

The Mami or Mamita term can be understood in two ways:

1. Inoffensive, when addressing a woman as mi amor or linda or joven linda like in a casual sentence like ".. ven Mami(ta), de me un paso por favor".
2. But if you include a long "Aiiii" exclamation before Mami(ta)... boy, then you're telling her that she is bueeeeenaaa! A clear piropo (flirt) and directed to her "attributes".

I think a good way to pick up on the nuances between being a nice and flattering gentleman or a hot and cocky tiguere, is to listen to the older men, wearing proper white guayabera shirts and nice laced leather shoes and on the other hand the tiguerones del colmado de la esquina hechando piropos a la morena que pasa, su cuerpo texy que lo menea al rithmo de la bachata que suena por mi calle y de su paso slow y sensual, aiii Mamiiitaa! (yes, I'm'a gunna be a Latino Rapero soon, ya tu sabe pa la gran manzana e )

... J-D.

[Chip]

Thanks, I think I must understand it pretty good then, because I only use mami with my daughters and other very young girls. I do remember one time right after moving here that a young lady almost stepped out in front of my jipeta and I said, "cuidate mami" and my wife said, aha! is that how you are talking to Dominican women. I learned real quick this wasn't the word to use.

As far as women using the word cariño, mi vida, mi amor with me, I see it really isn't bad here, but then again if I tell my wife she won't like it. That being said, would Dominican women use this term with my wife present? I can't remember that they have, hmm.

Is it ok if I use the above terms with women or will I be considered fresh? In other words can women use these or can guys use them too(with women of course)?

[J D Sauser]

I'd be somewhat selective with the use of mi vida. Yes, it's still inoffensive but more personal and interestingly may be interpreted as more meaningful than the generic mi amor.
I would also not always guide myself by what kids may be considered cute for saying or doing... coming from an adult it may be read differently.

Corazon is a good one you can use quite generically. I'll buy you a smile. never a galleta not even from her tiguere.

... J-D.

[Chip]

Originally Posted by J D Sauser

I'd be somewhat selective with the use of mi vida. Yes, it's still inoffensive but more personal and interestingly may be interpreted as more meaningful than the generic mi amor.
I would also not always guide myself by what kids may be considered cute for saying or doing... coming from an adult it may be read differently.

Corazon is a good one you can use quite generically. I'll buy you a smile. never a galleta not even from her tiguere.

... J-D.

Thanks for the advice. BTW, I wasn't meaning to give the impression that I copy kids, rather that I call small children "mami" and "papi" as is so common here.

I feel my Spanish is fairly advanced, but being a perfectionist just want it to be that much better. For example, I am trying hard to not use catchy phrases and bad words where not appropriate. Typically, I ask my Domincan friends for advice, but thought this topic would be good to post on the board.

[adrianb]

Saying "mami" is pretty low class. Better to use another word like "amor" or "corazon".

[Robert]

Most girls I know hate the word "mami".

[cuas]

Do not call me "Mami" if you are not my child. I hate it when my husband "American" call a hispanic man "Papi".
Carino, mi amor is OK when somebody is trying to sell you something.

[guandulera]

My suggestion to anyone first is to be yourself even when chosing the words in other language so people can see who you are no who you are trying to be.....The use of Mami makes many feel unconfurtable even if is not said with a second intention. However, some people just know how to use it and when.....I agree with others the best word to use is corazon but I will put them in practice after learning the difference of use not because is use all the time by others.........For ex. where I live people use a lot "you stupi" follow by a big laughter all they mean is to say you are so silly. I don't see myself saying this to anyone......I don't care how much I hear it. It would be out of my character.

[Norma Rosa]

QUOTE=adrianb;634999]Saying "mami" is pretty low class. Better to use another word like "amor" or "corazon".[/quote]

It is not low class. It's just that it should be used with the little ones.

Kip, what is really going to convey you intentions, is the tone of your voice and the body language you employ, not merely the words. If you say to a young lady: Gracias, mi vida, do you keep looking at her? Do you wink an eye?

Keep yourself in check.

Norma