Five(5) Tips for Chain-Smoking Europeans
In yesterday’s post I described my recent encounter with
“Loud Ugly Americans” (LUAs). Today I will share my experiences with the equally annoying and nearly intolerable “Chain-Smoking Europeans.”
Similar to “LUAs,” the “Chain-Smoking Europeans” (hereafter CSEs) typically travel in packs. However, while the arrival of LUAs is usually announced by noise, an approaching pack of CSEs is typically preceded by a cloud of smoke and the stench of cigarette-stained bodies.
DISCLAIMER: I am a big fan of Europe and its amazing history and diversity. The cast of characters that made up the Renaissance and Enlightenment both thrill and inspire me. In short, Europeans are often ahead of the curve on many issues.
But why then, in 2008, do so many of them kill themselves, daily, by smoking so damn much? These are people who consider themselves infinitely more worldly, educated, and courteous than their Yankee counterparts. A closer look reveals anything but, at least within the walls of an all-inclusive resort.
Chain Smokers can be Found Anywhere
During my honeymoon the CSEs could be found just about everywhere but they tended to huddle at two specific “choke points”:
1. anyplace where you can get a drink;
2. and, internet access points.
I was checking my email at a bank of computers in the resort lobby during my first encounter (the guaranteed wifi in our rooms was just another promise that the resort didn’t deliver). Shortly after my arrival, a group of four (4) CSEs slithered their way over to the computers and, although they were already smoking when they arrived, each of them lit up a fresh cigarette shortly after securing their positions. The ensuing cloud of cancerous second-hand smoke was quickly augmented by other CSEs who gathered around the original four (4) to watch videos of the European Cup finals (and thus sucking up all of the available bandwidth…they were even told this by the hotel staff but it didn’t do any good.) Eventually one female CSE planted a nearly full ashtray, and her rear-end, on the table right in front of me as if she was the only person in the room. My usual reaction in such situations is to say something but, this being my honeymoon, my better judgment prevailed. I logged out and quietly went on my way. Odoriferous and possibly cancerous encounters with CSEs continued throughout the week under differing circumstances but with one consistent theme – a complete lack of courtesy for anyone else.
Can’t we all Just get Along?
Unfortunately, the EU and European transnational companies are not working together to thwart this phenomenon
as their American counterparts are. So, out of the kindness of my heart and in an effort to foster international understanding and good-will, I’ve created some tips for them.
1. Smoking does not make you look sexy or worldly. It just makes you look old and worn-out (this tip is especially for you ladies.)
2. Just because you can smoke in a specific area does not mean it’s always appropriate. Go outside, or away from others, like any civilized person with a modicum of common sense would already know to do.
3. Blow your smoke away from others and not in their faces. LUAs are annoying and sometimes offensive, but CSEs kill you slowly with their second-hand smoke and atrocious dragon-like breath without even giving it a second thought.
4. Keep your ashtray close by and empty the friggin’ thing yourself when it gets full! Don’t sit around and wait for someone else to do it just because you managed to scrape up the necessary Euros to pay for an all-inclusive vacation.
5. It wouldn’t kill you to ask if smoking bothers or offends people nearby before lighting up. Sometimes it’s not just preference but health reasons that require people to avoid second-hand smoke.
There’s nothing wring with asking “Do you mind if I smoke?” Just be prepared for any answer.
“Do you mind if I smoke? No, do you mind if I fart? It’s one of my habits.”
- Steve Martin
Tomorrow will be the last of my honeymoon-inspired posts and I would like to warn you now that viewer discretion is advised. The topic is beach attire and focuses on unattractive speedos and…well….let’s just say topless women who should not be topless.
As usual, comments and criticism are welcome.
RHM
Travel etiquette and "Chain-Smoking Europeans"
