Blending in - tips for foreign residents

[Vacara]

Originally Posted by bob saunders

Pretty well any eastern European nation, Chinese, many Arab nations, ...etc. I would say from my observations in about 35 countries that Dominican are not heavy smokers as a nation.

Have observed why Dominicans don't smoke?, economic hardship causing inability to buy cigarettes?, just plain dislike?.

[MikeFisher]

economic hardship may be a reason partially, but there are always possibilities to prepare a cheap smoke if people don't have the money to pay for the taxed brands.
in many other countries the poor smoke, too.
Mike

[Pib]

Originally Posted by Vacara

Have observed why Dominicans don't smoke?, economic hardship causing inability to buy cigarettes?, just plain dislike?.

Mostly dislike. People who can afford cigarettes still don't smoke. I have heard many a disparaging comment about smokers that I would rather not repeat here.


Smoking used to be a lot more common a few decades ago. There were a lot of "recreational smokers". People who would light one up every few days, I remember seeing my mom smoking once when I was a kid, some of my aunts and other acquaintances did it too. My grandmother was a heavy smoker.

By the time I became a teenager things had changed dramatically, and even my mom had decided smoking was disgusting. My grandma managed to keel over well before that, so when I was in my early teens nobody closed to me smoked. I don't know what caused this change, I don't remember any campaigning against smoking.

[J D Sauser]

Originally Posted by jrhartley

why do so many people ask for a cigarette if no-one smokes ?

It's a way to approach a Gringo/Gringa.
Just a more elaborate version of "Ey mah frieend".
Just as all foreigners HAVE to be American, thus English speakers and loaded, they are considered likely to be smokers. Interesting is, that US Americans smoke much less on average than Europeans and many other Latin Americans.
Yet another stereotype which goes to the fact that our locals have become in great part non-smokers (unless it serves the purpose of making a new amiguito).

... J-D.

[J D Sauser]

When I lived in Ecuador I blended right in after only a couple of months. There were Ecuadorians whiter than me, some taller than me, some even more "Continental" looking than me. There was a middle class (mostly the Hispanics) which dressed internationally in most all, yet "decent" styles.
Once I had picked up on what to do and what not to do and acquired the local accent, I was viewed as Ecuadorian. It was so "bad", I must inadvertently have picked the "sing-sing" accent so typical in and around Cuenca (where I lived most of my first 2 years there) so strongly that when I'd visited others cities people would say "oh, Usted es de Cuenca!?".

After my first visit here, I quickly understood, that if I'd ever come to live here, which I evidently eventually did, the Ecuadorian experience would NOT ever repeat itself here. I would be, and now am always to be a foreigner, even if I long dropped my Cuencano accent for a more local one.
So, blending in? I doubt it. Maybe we'd have to redefine "blending".

I really believe, that IF one wants to make it here beyond just visiting every now and then and have what some try to label as "some fun", or just booze their retirement checks away while experimenting with generic Viagra and Cialis mixed with "secret" potions of Mamajuana wood chips picked up by street kids along our sandy beaches or the main highway, one has to remain conscious of it's image and reputation as a resident foreigner, which is about all we ever will be.
I remember, I used to be amused and at times almost flattered when I was told by locals "... a po tu ya ere Dominicaaaano!". Now, while I know to receive the comment as it was flattery, I rethink the said and done carefully, watch my language, my innate tendency to easily take over local slang and so forth. It's not upper society Dominicans who will ever tell you "Cono, a po tu ya ere Dominicaaaano!", they have other ways to let you know their approval, so in essence... "... a po tu ya ere Dominicaaaano!" could much more be interpreted as a loose flattery at best but also hint to you that you just said or did something very barrio or even tiguere/a like. While I have nothing against the more often than not nice people living in barrios, barrio "culture", slang or behavior (tigueraje) is still not anything you would want then to repeat inadvertently at some "finer" home or at a business meeting, interview or chat. Something we should be remain reminded as holding true in the country we came from too.

I have since molted or adjusted my style, demeanor a little... maybe a continuous effort.
I consciously do not want to be mistaken for a Spaniard, as they are have been (in many ways not so un-rightfully) labled rude, bad spoken and tacano, but have surprised myself at lately being mistaken as possibly Cuban, Colombian or what ever more than Anglo American. Must be my command of the Spanish language with the Latino accent, the change of wardrobe, mine been even more conscious as to where I will NOT be seen after sundown and whom NOT with (some type of foreigners especially too!).
Maybe that's blending in, I don't know... maybe it's more like creating an own little adapted style which they accept and can live with and allows them to handle me in a way which is more acceptable for me, with respect yet without fear.

... J-D.

[catcherintherye]

There are those of us who do not fit into either one or the other of the categories of ex-pats that JD describes.

Some ex-pats appreciate and hold on to a piece of their own heritage, while at the same time respect the Dominican culture and people. In my opinion, one does not have choose between "fitting in" completely, or simply being a drunken hedonist.

Assimilation is a two way street, and there is real value in maintaining one's own identity, while also appreciating and acquiring a sense and perspective of a new place and its people.

I just don't see the point of giving up everything about myself that enables me to be who I am in order to live somewhere. I believe that most people respect those who exhibit respect toward them. For me, that is the essential piece of living here.

I have no intention of becoming something I am not, but I have every intention of learning the language, culture and history of my new home. I think that is completely doable, and if it is not then I chose the wrong place to live.

[Vacara]

Originally Posted by catcherintherye

There are those of us who do not fit into either one or the other of the categories of ex-pats that JD describes.

Some ex-pats appreciate and hold on to a piece of their own heritage, while at the same time respect the Dominican culture and people. In my opinion, one does not have choose between "fitting in" completely, or simply being a drunken hedonist.

Assimilation is a two way street, and there is real value in maintaining one's own identity, while also appreciating and acquiring a sense and perspective of a new place and its people.

I just don't see the point of giving up everything about myself that enables me to be who I am in order to live somewhere. I believe that most people respect those who exhibit respect toward them. For me, that is the essential piece of living here.

I have no intention of becoming something I am not, but I have every intention of learning the language, culture and history of my new home. I think that is completely doable, and if it is not then I chose the wrong place to live.

Good to know your softer side Catcher, very good posts, your as well as Jd Sauser.

[cobraboy]

I have lived here for a year and a half now. Granted, I spend almost NO time in traditional expat/tourist areas, so I may have a skewed perspective.

A few things I have learned from my own experience:

-I will never be confused as a Dominican, no matter how I dress or speak.

-Dominicans see everything you (a foreigner) do. They are masters of observation.

-Lower class Dominicans will start conversations with you. Upper class Dominicans rarely will.

-Do not confuse being cordial with acceptance, especially with the upper class.

-WHAT you know is secondary to WHO you know. But once you know folks, they will be greatly appreciative about what you know and doors open everywhere.

-You hang with the lower class and you will NEVER be accepted in upper class society.

-I cannot change Dominican society, so I won't endure the frustration of trying.

-They know who the whores are. If you're ever seen with one, you will be branded as a whoremonger in higher social circles, a classification that is inescapable.

-Upper class Dominicans probably speak more English than you do Spanish. But they appreciate your efforts to speak Spanish while here.

-Whatever you were where you came from, you are that here. You can't leave yourself behind.

-Not everyone's life here revolves around Presidente, Brugal, meringue and barrio chicas.

-You're often trusted more than a Dominican BECAUSE you're not a Dominican. This may be especially true in business.

-Never, ever, as a foreigner, talk about Dominican politics in company that you do not know well and are not family unless ASKED. They may not say anything to you, but you will be forever branded as an undesireable busybody meddling in their affairs.

-Few dominicans will tell you what they think of you to your face. Never confuse this with acceptance.

-It's not PC here. Being PC brands you as somewhat of a fool to many.

-There ARE good cops and military. They will tell you who to be suspicious of.

-Many Good Dominicans look at many of the tourist areas and expat communities as blights in their country. They understand the economic impact, but they also see the cultural filth many bring with them and think it degrades the country they love. Most would never be caught dead in places like Sosua, Las Terenas or Boca Chica.

-Never let your guard down. That's not to say never leave your home alone and live in a fortress, but be vigilant, establish a routine of checking, lighting and locking, and be unpredictible in your daily habits.

-An occasional surprise lunchtime pizza delivered to the local head of AMET, PN, PM or Politur does an amazing job of gaining access when needed.

-Leave the fancy stuff at home. In a culture of "wannabe's", you just tempt fate.

The DR is a wonderful place, and I am most happy to be living here. I love the sense of family, the respect and love afforded elders, and the genuinely happy and helpful nature of the people. I enjoy 'living with less" and being away from the commercial and cultural distractions of my home country. I no longer find lack of 100% dependable services-water, roads, electricity, etc.-especially bothersome...unless the inverter acts up. I've found a different kind of serenity here that would be difficult to give up. I know I'm not invisible, but I try to be low-key and unobtrusive.

I am a visitor in their culture. I need to respect them more than I need to be respected.

[Vacara]

Originally Posted by cobraboy

I have lived here for a year and a half now. Granted, I spend almost NO time in traditional expat/tourist areas, so I may have a skewed perspective.

A few things I have learned from my own experience:

-I will never be confused as a Dominican, no matter how I dress or speak.

-Dominicans see everything you (a foreigner) do. They are masters of observation.

-Lower class Dominicans will start conversations with you. Upper class Dominicans rarely will.

-Do not confuse being cordial with acceptance, especially with the upper class.

-WHAT you know is secondary to WHO you know. But once you know folks, they will be greatly appreciative about what you know and doors open everywhere.

-You hang with the lower class and you will NEVER be accepted in upper class society.

-I cannot change Dominican society, so I won't endure the frustration of trying.

-They know who the whores are. If you're ever seen with one, you will be branded as a whoremonger in higher social circles, a classification that is inescapable.

-Upper class Dominicans probably speak more English than you do Spanish. But they appreciate your efforts to speak Spanish while here.

-Whatever you were where you came from, you are that here. You can't leave yourself behind.

-Not everyone's life here revolves around Presidente, Brugal, meringue and barrio chicas.

-You're often trusted more than a Dominican BECAUSE you're not a Dominican. This may be especially true in business.

-Never, ever, as a foreigner, talk about Dominican politics in company that you do not know well and are not family unless ASKED. They may not say anything to you, but you will be forever branded as an undesireable busybody meddling in their affairs.

-Few dominicans will tell you what they think of you to your face. Never confuse this with acceptance.

-It's not PC here. Being PC brands you as somewhat of a fool to many.

-There ARE good cops and military. They will tell you who to be suspicious of.

-Many Good Dominicans look at many of the tourist areas and expat communities as blights in their country. They understand the economic impact, but they also see the cultural filth many bring with them and think it degrades the country they love. Most would never be caught dead in places like Sosua, Las Terenas or Boca Chica.

-Never let your guard down. That's not to say never leave your home alone and live in a fortress, but be vigilant, establish a routine of checking, lighting and locking, and be unpredictible in your daily habits.

-An occasional surprise lunchtime pizza delivered to the local head of AMET, PN, PM or Politur does an amazing job of gaining access when needed.

-Leave the fancy stuff at home. In a culture of "wannabe's", you just tempt fate.

The DR is a wonderful place, and I am most happy to be living here. I love the sense of family, the respect and love afforded elders, and the genuinely happy and helpful nature of the people. I enjoy 'living with less" and being away from the commercial and cultural distractions of my home country. I no longer find lack of 100% dependable services-water, roads, electricity, etc.-especially bothersome...unless the inverter acts up. I've found a different kind of serenity here that would be difficult to give up. I know I'm not invisible, but I try to be low-key and unobtrusive.

I am a visitor in their culture. I need to respect them more than I need to be respected.

Look like the insightful guys are coming out.

[jrhartley]

I found a lot of it to be quite depressing