A very sticky wicket?

rhino r · #1 11-05-2009, 06:55 PM

Sorry for the length of this post but looking for meaningful input.
Met a beautiful Dominican, 30 yrs.old, (I was a spry 54 at the time) through a relatively legit internet service in Santiago. We spent a few days together and I then returned a couple of months later when we spent 2 weeks together travelling the island and meeting her family. On my next trip down I committed to trying to have a long term relationship. That same week I impregnated her with twins! I then spent the better part of 18 months with her in Santiago during the pregnancy and after their births on 8/28/08. At her modest urging I started the visa/green card process for her and her 3 kids. We arrived here in Utah in June. We were married in August.
In Santiago I rented a house for $1,100 monthly, moved her and her kids, brother and parents into it. Bought all household furniture/fixtures. Put her kids in bilingual school and art, swimming , dance classes etc.
I understand the underlying drive/desire of her and others who live in poverty to escape it. I understand that my ability to provide was/is a primary attraction. Her behavior has always been steady if emotional and loud at times. She has regularly lavished me with praise and more often that not initiated sex. She takes pride in being from a honest/honorable family and I never saw anything that contradicted that. She never displayed any behavior that would suggest a dishonest personality with the exception that before and initially after we met she said she had two kids, excluding the 3rd, a 12 yr old boy. She fessed up as we became serious.
Two months ago I grabbed her cell phone to look up one of her girl friends phone number to call her because my wife was feeling a bit blue/lonesome. As I scrolled through her recent calls my wife came over from the other side of the room, peering over my shoulder, I then noticed two calls to a Pedro in the DR. I did not react or question her about Pedro at the time. During my two years with her in the DR I met all of her family and girl friends, never a mention of a Pedro. A few days later I looked through her contact list on her phone, she had erased the Pedro contact (he must have been on the Contact list to have shown up by name on the Recent Call list) My experience is that Domincanas don't have platonic male friends very often. That night it seemed to me that she was very restless while trying to sleep. I am concerned that this could be an unlikely but massive hustle. Get the green card then use the babies to secure support and alimony while divorcing me. For the past two weeks I have been trying to surreptiously record her phone conversations with little to show so far. My plan is to continue this effort. I believe if I confront her she will just lie is she is deceiving me.
In closing, my wife was quasi married to a Dominican who was alcoholic and phyically abused her on occasion. When she was 8 years old her parents sent her off to live with an Aunt (for economic reasons) whose husband tried to molest her. My wife is smart, responsible and very attentive with the babies.
Me, I speak fluent spanish and am well apprised of the Sankie element.
So, what could be the innocent explanation of her calling some unknown guy in the DR multiple times? If not, what would you do? I may be able to get the Pedro phone number. Thanks for all serious responses.

waytogo · #2 11-05-2009, 07:04 PM

It sounds like you tried and did do the right thing. The one thing I am curious about, even being a spry 54 at the time, isn't that a little up there to start a new family?
OK, Before you jump to conclusons, and to ease your mind, why don't you just ask her. If the condition was reversed, would she confront you?

rhino r · #3 11-05-2009, 08:26 PM

yes she would and did when she found out that I had talked to a former short term girlfreind (only after that former gf had called to say that she could repay me a loan I had made to her). Her reaction was over the top accusatorial even when I offered to have her speak directly with her,I had nothing to hide). My concern with directly asking her is that she would lie if she's hiding something so my thought is to try to accumulate more info so that I could contest the approval of her green card and avoid unending grief down the road. I'm looking for a plausible explanation of how she would have reason to call some unknown man in the DR multiple times from here in the states and then remove him from her call list after she saw that I saw his name on her phone.

waytogo · #4 11-05-2009, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rhino r

I'm looking for a plausible explanation of how she would have reason to call some unknown man in the DR multiple times from here in the states and then remove him from her call list after she saw that I saw his name on her phone.

I went through this same sort of thing with my wife of 25 years and there is no plausable explanation. Everytime I had a gut feeling something wasn't right...It wasn't. I know somewhat what you are going through and I feel for you. The best thing is cut your losses and move on. I did this at 55 and it wasn't easy...but you have no choice. It sounds more like you are trying to justify the phone calls, looking for a reasonable explanation. Whatever you hear from your wife, no matter how innocent she may make it sound, you will never trust her again. And the man she is calling is unknown to you, not to her.

jrhartley · #5 11-05-2009, 10:44 PM

did you presume the children were yours or did you have any tests done

Tallman1818 · #6 11-05-2009, 11:31 PM

I have a friend who is dating this girl, I mean they are both Dominicans, he is a DP (Deported) and she is a local girl from a town near Santiago, she met an American online a few months back, a guy from the east coast, and they begin to chat online, this was while she was seeing my friend, the american guy came down to meet her and everything so, now they just got married, and have a child and she is about to leave for the states, but the problem is the following she is still seeing my friend and is planing on sending him money from the states when she gets there, the way she will hide his phone number is by putting it under a females name.

So you go do the math and see if it works for you!!!

Malibook · #7 11-05-2009, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrhartley

did you presume the children were yours or did you have any tests done

That's what I was thinking especially after he said, "That same week I impregnated her with twins!"

A paternity test would seem sensible before going down the wedding and visa/green card road.

rsg · #8 11-06-2009, 01:12 AM

I dont know where to start rhino r. First of all you have created your own problems you may now have with your wife.
Your first mistake was having a baby with a girl in another country so fast.
Your second mistake was taking this girl out of a 2000 peso a month bario tin roof house and showing her how the rich stupid gringo can afford a $1100 a month castle, be serious, is this the life she was accustomed to.
Your third mistake was moving her brother and parents in to your family home. They did not respect or appreciate you for that dude, this just made them know how stupid and weak the p...y whiped gringo was.
The fourth mistake you made was to not get pedros number and call him to find out the truth. But we know the answer to that one dont we? You got that feeling in your gut that your trying to ignore, because you know the truth will ruin the fantasy life that you have been living.
A phone number is not a conviction of cheating, but you can not ignore the fact that your wife deleated that number for a reason. You know in your heart that something is not right with your wife and pedro. But unfortunatly I or no one else on dr1 will be able to tell you if your wife is playing you or not. Only your wife and old buddy pedro will be able to tell you that.
I know this is a tough time for you, but what do you expect when a guy a few years from collecting social security checks decides to impregnate and start a new family with a poor bario girl 25 years younger.
These dominican girls and their familys will lie and put on a big charade for years if they have to, just to get what they want, and they want that golden ticket, that visa, provided by you willie wanka.
Now I dont know your wife, and have no idea of knowing if she is really involved with this pedro guy,but I think your gut is trying to tell you something. I dont know about you, but mine is always right.

badpiece33 · #9 11-06-2009, 04:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rsg

I dont know where to start rhino r. First of all you have created your own problems you may now have with your wife.
Your first mistake was having a baby with a girl in another country so fast.
Your second mistake was taking this girl out of a 2000 peso a month bario tin roof house and showing her how the rich stupid gringo can afford a $1100 a month castle, be serious, is this the life she was accustomed to.
Your third mistake was moving her brother and parents in to your family home. They did not respect or appreciate you for that dude, this just made them know how stupid and weak the p...y whiped gringo was.
The fourth mistake you made was to not get pedros number and call him to find out the truth. But we know the answer to that one dont we? You got that feeling in your gut that your trying to ignore, because you know the truth will ruin the fantasy life that you have been living.
A phone number is not a conviction of cheating, but you can not ignore the fact that your wife deleated that number for a reason. You know in your heart that something is not right with your wife and pedro. But unfortunatly I or no one else on dr1 will be able to tell you if your wife is playing you or not. Only your wife and old buddy pedro will be able to tell you that.
I know this is a tough time for you, but what do you expect when a guy a few years from collecting social security checks decides to impregnate and start a new family with a poor bario girl 25 years younger.
These dominican girls and their familys will lie and put on a big charade for years if they have to, just to get what they want, and they want that golden ticket, that visa, provided by you willie wanka.
Now I dont know your wife, and have no idea of knowing if she is really involved with this pedro guy,but I think your gut is trying to tell you something. I dont know about you, but mine is always right.

Everything RSG says is true except I will go out on a limb here and tell you as an almost certanty your wife is playing you to the fullest and Pedro is probably the guy you think is her brother now living in the place your renting. It is almost a certanty.

pedrochemical · #10 11-06-2009, 11:52 AM

Not my view exactly, but I have heard the following expressed by many a man here....

It depends on how you look at it.
Where some see a problem, others see an opportunity.
Given that in the news 76% of Dominican men admit to cheating, perhaps you need to embrace the situation.
I think you know she is banging Pedro. But Pedro is banging Diana, Julisa, Maria, Jennifer and Samantha.
If you marry a poor Dominican girl a generation younger than you - what can you expect?
This is not negative criticism.
Embrace it, my friend.
As long as she is a good mother and like most Dominicans is 'unfaithful' in a respectable fashion (does not blurt it all over town) then that is your free pass to middle aged fun par excellence.
This is your opportunity to have your family with the person you love and respect, whilst enjoying your dotage to the full.
It seems difficult for NA / European men to get over the jealousy and guilt caused by marital infidelity. But when you do come out of the cave, you will never go back.

It has been said that every man has the idealised notion of a relationship with just one woman whom he loves. Great stuff but wrong country, wrong generation, wrong epoch, zeitgeist, paradigm etc.

Do it respectfully - ie. at least make it look like you are trying not to get caught, strike the balance and live your life to the full.

Always appear hurt, shocked and generally upset when something like this happens but why not take solace in the arms, legs, personality, cocomordan of another??

I know, I am probably going to hell, but like most other people in this part of the world, I am going to have fun doing it.
For the moment I am still stuck with the guilt and jealousy thing - but I will eventually grow out of it - I hope before something similar happens to me.

just some thoughts.....